7/25/96 - Better Than That

1:00 AM - 7/25/96 - 1810 Chapala

Drunk, so ignore later. Where is this misery coming from? Everything about James screams "Loser, stay away," yet...

He is on hug/kiss terms with every fucking local loser this town has to offer. Screamer Charlie, Brian of Comics on Parade, Greg Jarvis, the list goes on. Why can't he just exist in a vacuum, as handsome as he is?

James has invited me to go to San Diego this weekend, it's Pride down there. He says his friend won't mind one more. He's planning to go down on Friday. I would follow on Saturday.

OK, tonight, Wednesday is 80's night at Fathom, so of course I went. I had expected James to call so we could meet. He had over 4 hours! No word. [I usually cringe at drunken journal entries, but this one is kinda funny.]

So, he was there, and he and I were sometimes together, sometimes not. He and I danced a few, most of the time I danced with Tom or this fag hag Charlotte, fabulous Oxnard-esque pseudo-Latina. The most uncomfortable part was Greg Jarvis was hitting on me big time, right in front of his hubby. Yes they have an open relationship, but I was not interested. It felt good to be able to say "no" for a change without bruising my self-esteem. I'm better than that. WOW!!!!

Anyway, I don't know what to do. James didn't call today. Various sources (including him) say he's really bad about calling back. Ever. Yet, to me, making that little effort says more than all of Ben's bullshit flowers and candy.

This is really all a big, superfluous summer drama. Mike M. put it into perspective for me last night. This is all a fucking game 'til I move. MOVE ON MARY!!!

[Funny how the speech patterns one falls into during a night at a gay bar trickle over to one's journal when one writes right after stumbling home...there are very few more entries weeping about James, I promise.]

[Oxnard-esque: when applied to a female, usually means overweight "chola" with extreme make-up and big, usually crimped hair. Think drag night at your local Mexican/Puerto Rican bar. Oxnard is a city south of Santa Barbara with a large Latino population that likes its grooming products.]

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