5/3/97 - A Dreaded Sunny Day

5/3/97 - Dolores Park

Here with John, lying out under what has turned out to be a surprisingly blue sky. The weekend forecast earlier in the week suggested it would be a gloomy Sat., but so far, glorious.

Well, I brought up my concerns to John last night, and I think he really understood where I was coming from. I think our dating will take on a less intense air from now on, although maybe having him spend the night might not have been the best way to reinforce my point. The sex continues good, and he hasn't been saying how beautiful I am every two seconds, so we'll just play it by ear.

It's a gorgeous day, and walking along Dolores Street reminded me, as always, of Santa Barbara. Moira's back in California, and is trying to get Karen, Sean, me and herself all to S.B to meet up with Jessica. Maybe it'll be just the incentive I need to get my butt down there.

I told Moira about the problems I had with Jeff, and that I hadn't talked to Jess in months. I hope...I don't know what. There are times when I miss what we had, and I want to recapture some of that, and then I think we've all changed too much, that we've all moved on.

I guess it doesn't have to be all or nothing. That's what Sean would say, grab whatever good times you can. Somehow, though, it seems like...what's the point?

[Heh, that makes Sean sound like a shallow party animal. He just doesn't worry about the Meaning of Every Encounter. If he hadn't seen a friend in four years or something, he would make some effort to get caught up, but he's so good at the "it's as if no time has passed" thing. He and I spent some time furniture shopping yesterday on Polk St. and Van Ness Ave.; he'd been in Hawaii for two weeks, and we hadn't hung out for a while even before that. It shouldn't amaze me how uncomplicatedly fun he is, but it does, especially since so much else is complicated right now.]

[And, yes, I got over my midlife mini-breakdown. A good bawl when I got home was just what I needed. John was an angel about the whole thing.]

Previously Next