Blues? Blah!

[There's something wrong with me. After school Monday, and work, time with Violet, and a writers studio on Tuesday, I had nothing scheduled for Wednesday. Oh, good, time to clean up the house, study, read law journal submissions, finish my own never-ending article, and maybe relax. Instead, I didn't leave my bed.]

[I can't pin down any symptoms. I feel physically weak, with a slightly unsettled stomach, and a mild, but by no means suicidal feeling of depression. None of these should add up to this absolute lethargy. I don't feel like eating, I don't feel like leaving the house, and I certainly don't feel like attending to any of the things that need attention. I left Civil Procedure today during the break, came home, and am now missing Real Property.]

[This is the first time I've sat at John's and my new computer since it arrived on Monday. It's a beauty: sleek, black, some outrageous amount of memory that makes everything seem lighning-fast (even with the damned, temporary dial-up connection), wireless keyboard and mouse. As I end this entry, though, I imagine the only use it will get in the near future will be from John.]

[The worst part is the frustration at myself. I was really sick at the end of January, and had good reason for staying in bed. Even then, though, I began to feel guilty. Here, I feel no reason for this debilitation, and feel so guilty for not just snapping out of it. What the hell's wrong with me?]

[Can't Get You Out Of My Head Dept.: First, Jockohomo quotes one of my favorite books at length in his January 30 post (I've temporarily put down Vidal's latest polemic, Dreaming War: Blood For Oil And The Cheney-Bush Junta because of this illness or whatever it is), then goes on most recently about Virginia Woolf's diaries, which are the only thing I'm opening my eyes for these days. I plan to stalk Bloomsbury much more thoroughly when John and I arrive there in less than two weeks. I WILL be up to it by then.]

[P.S. Amuse yourself with an incompletely written (but accurate in its frivolous details) article describing the writer's studio, fresh and cynical from this week's SF Weekly. Strange to read about one of your best friends in a widely-circulated...I was going to say newspaper, but whatever...]

Previously Next