The Only Bar I've Seen Was At Ballet Class.

[A month can go by that quickly, huh?]

[Yes, I have now gone thru the unique, three-day experience that is taking a Bar examination. "What was it like," you (didn't) ask? Well, after a post-exam week spent relaxing in an undisclosed-but-effective sunny hideaway, I am forced into the typical Vignettes of a Shadow of an Anecdote of What Actually Happened...]

[1. A couple of THOUSAND examinants spaced evenly to prevent cheating, two to a long, rickety table, really can fill up an enormous convention hall in downtown Oakland.]

[a. And that's just the ones taking the test in Oaktown, on laptops. Luckily, fewer than half who take the silly thing actually pass.]

[b. Some veritable hotties went to law schools other than mine. Some of them were comfortably, if provactively, dressed in revealing tank-tops, shorts and the sexiest, most current flip-flops. Yum.]

[c. One young lady a couple of rows ahead wore a plastic tiara thruout, presumably for good luck; however, my neighbors (two straightboy buds from UCLA law who are working on a verrrry high-profile case in San Mateo - yes, that one - and who you can easily imagine becoming L.A. shysters) and I agreed maybe it was wired to a satellite from which she was receiving cribbage via antennas imbedded in the tines thereof.]

[d. While friendly, my two neighbors were not among the hotties mentioned in b.; however, I often thought (at breaks, NOT DURING THE TEST) I would have to take this one tattooed, shaved-head, wife-beater'd punkboy in the row behind me over my knee to teach him a thing or two about sending brooding, brown-eyed glances my way. Papa spank.]

[2. There were no surprises on the test itself. None. My Bar prep class comes highly recommended (no, it wasn't one of the big corporate ones); if I'd been really conscientious about homework, etc., I have no doubt that I'd be confident right now about having passed. As it is...well...]

[a. As you may or may not know, we who took the test in July won't find out until November whether we passed. $##@^%*&%^&!]

[3. I'm NOT a Luddite, really; I just don't know enough about computers to get myself across the street safely. THAT's why many of my neighbors here at the D.T. Apt., as well as random people between it and the Powell BART station, "in the BART system" itself, and along the short walk between the 12th Street station and the Oakland Convention Center heard me muttering to myself like a crazy idiot, and interjecting the occasional screamed entreaty for a return to abaci. Yes, it eventually all turned out OK, and (plus-side?) I learned so much, when I really wasn't ready for the lesson, about power sources, external floppy drives, and install disks. Don't ask.]

[4. The time away afterwards was a vital tonic. Finally saw Vince, an old friend from the S.B. days, in his new Los Angeles Koreatown domain. Struck again by this: L.A. is so different, but Vince is the same. We tickled each other's vanity ("You look SO young!" "You're SO smart!") whilst ogling waiters at breakfast. Jessica, who came up to S.F., retrieved me, and spirited me away to the aforementioned sunny retreat, saved me so many times in the last week that...well, it's a good thing that with real friends, "repayment" is irrelevant. But I will try...]

[The best part: I feel ready for the next steps, a feeling I haven't had for a while. The worst part of this whole studying-for-the-Bar period, intermixed as it has been with hangovers from everything that has preceded it in this Worst Year Of My Life (Hyperbole? Maybe...) has been a real loss of hope, and a dread of the future: hand-to-forehead sentiments that have been with me too much too long. Every friend in the world can tell you how bright your future is, but it's no good until you feel it yourself. And (as my parents noticed from my bubbly tone on the phone yesterday), I think it's finally starting to happen, no matter how I did on the test.]

[(Fate duly tempted, and I have jury duty on Monday...)]

Previously Next