Alone, Together, Ducks

[I've learned a little about myself this week:]

[1. My comfort level with being by myself, which I'd always thought was pretty constant and pretty high, is not that constant, and its constancy isn't under my control. This is disturbing, since my resolution this year has been not to let other people steer my roller coaster.]

[2. Poverty makes me hungry, angry, lonely, and tired (a.k.a, H.A.L.T. - a gimmicky yet useful acronym I got from Gregory via Allen that stands for many people's four triggers to all those lovely, deadly escape mechanisms). This stretch will end soon, but it's been more total than most of the time I was unemployed, and it has sucked all kinds of swamp water.]

[3. Other people have different ways of doing things. This one's so obvious as to be laughable, but it's been a long time since I've gotten to know someone as well and as quickly as I have Chris in the last few weeks. The impact of how different we are in particulars while being so eerily similar in general keeps striking me and leaving me humming and shaking.]

[4. On a related note, I've been single for almost two years, and living alone for the first time in my life for a year and a half. I've gotten set in my ways, and I'm not used to compromise and making room in my own behavior. It's been funny, bemusing, and frustrating. Heaven knows it's too soon even to speculate on the future (thanks, Max for the reminder), but I know from experience that this process may slow over time, but it never, ever stops.]

[Omnibus: I jump to conclusions way too fast. I can't read people's minds as well I think I can. And I need to keep my own ducks in a row and not worry so much about that other pond over yonder.]