Cake And Eat It

["Now, marriage has never been a high priority for me. But I like to have my options kept open, thank you. Excuse me, but what girl doesn't?" - Sandra Bernhard, Without You, I'm Nothing.]

[A propos two conversations I've had in the last two days, one face to face, the other via email:]

[The root of the word "decide" is the same as the root of "homicide," "suicide," and "fratricide," i.e., "to kill." In the case of "decide," what you're killing is options. When one door opens, another one closes. If you find me resisting choosing a course of action that necessarily closes off others, that's why. I see, perhaps too well, the advantages to the roads both more- and less-travelled by, plus that other road over there, the one paved with yellow brick.]

[When confronted with these decisions, you will see me expending a lot of energy trying not to have to decide. Some have suggested that this is motivated by fear of the chosen action. I think, rather, that it's fear of never being able to change my mind and go back to the course I didn't choose. Stipulated: I let fear rule my feelings and behavior way, way too often. I've made some poor decisions (I know, who hasn't?), and I don't trust my decision-making ability all that much.]

[I have decided, even by inaction, many times in the past, and I'll continue to do so. But I've found that one can sometimes have one's cake and eat it, too, and dammit, if I can, I will. (If I'm in the mood for cake...gimme a minute to make up my mind.)]

Previously Next

[Later: Just had a third conversation on this subject. What's in the air right now? Woof!]