February 22, 2006 - 1:10 PM

Trader Joe's Sells Crack

[Oh, ruination! Charlotte and I used bossman's vehicle to trundle down the hill the SOMA Trader Joe's to pick up lunch. I virtuously chose a salad, since I've been all about the delicious but fatty red meat lately. Charlotte was doing some more thorough shopping, so I followed her as she ambled thru the store. T.J.'s has the chocolate and other candy stored above the frozen food, and I carefully ignored the display until a perky, clear plastic container of little multicolored pellets caught my eye.]

[They turned out to be Satan's latest tool, one that had escaped my notice until today. Get ready for this: candy-coated, chocolate covered sunflower kernels! I have a thing for shelled sunflower seeds, and will think nothing of very occasionally going thru a sizeable bag in place of a meal. (I get sick to my stomach later, but whatever for that.) Needless to say, I picked up a container. After eating my virtuous salad back at work, I peeled off the plastic safety wrapper, lifted the lid, took a handful, and placed them in my mouth.]

[Oh. My. The sweet candy coating, the chocolate, the salty oiliness of the kernel all crunched and melted together to perform a disco dance against my tongue. "Charlotte, these are soooo good." She tried a couple, in spite of being in the throes lately of Counting Points. "Whoever invented those," she said "needs to be sent straight to Hell."]

[He or she is already there. Hell's where the things were conceived and are manufactured, and I'll probably become a shill for them after I'm sent there after perishing by eating five tons in one sitting. Oh, bliss!]

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