The Burlesque and the Bees

[Does is it seem like both spelling bees and burlesque are more popular than of yore? I'm sure if I trolled the many online sources that tell us what to think, how, and when, I could find cleverly written backup for this hunch, but no. They're in the air because I say they are.]

[I participated in two somewhat formal spelling bees as a kid. Both of them were in the fall of 1980, when I was in the sixth grade. Sonoma Valley Unified School District, in conjunction with an unusually active county education department, scheduled a bee in which all six district elementary schools participated. This was a first for me on several fronts: I got my first look at the kids from the other five schools, all of whom I would meet at the junior high next year; I competed in an activity in which I felt confident of my abilities; and, I got my first of two peeks inside the mysterious Masonic Lodge on Sonoma Plaza. Yes, li'l ol' harmless Sonoma is, or was, an outpost of the Illuminati! (The second time was when the high school choir sang many great songs, including Mr. Mister's "Kyrie Eleison Down The Road I Must Travel," for the gaggle of old farts; they didn't seem very Illuminized to my young eyes, I can tell you.)]

[I was among thirty or so sweating twelve year olds, but I was feeling none of the pressure from others that had been, and would continue to be, a hallmark of all my endeavors. I generated my own kind of pressure, but it more of a rush, because I could spell. I could spell rings around any other kid or adult who'd tried to test me, and I knew I could do this. Sure enough, one by one, the other brats went down, and finally I was left standing there in the second row, with only this one rather pale red-headed girl from Dunbar Elementary in the front row.]

[Whichever doddering Mason they got to MC gave me my next word. I smiled ("no problem") and began:]

["C-O-U-A-G-E-O-U-S, courageous." "Next," I thought.]

[Doddering old Mason: "I'm sorry, that's wrong. Regina, would you spell 'courageous'"?]

[She spelled it correctly, spelled another, and thus won. I still didn't know what I'd done wrong; hadn't I spelled it exactly as that pallid bitch (with whom I would later laugh about this)? Afterwards, my parents broke it to me that I'd left out the 'r.' Carelessness, not lack of ability, was to mark my performance in many fields for many years. Still, second place was enough to get me to the county finals in Santa Rosa. I made it to sixth place that time, having had no clue how to spell "connoisseur."]

[As for burlesque, I have no public performance stories to tell, for which the world rejoices. Still, I was associated in several long-running vaudeville/burlesque shows at the Friendly Neighborhood Cabaret, and I read Margaret Cho's description of Miss Exotic World 2006 with pleasurable nostalgia. Julie Atlas Muz, this year's winner, performed at the FNC several times, and I recognized many of the names on the list of scheduled performers. For me, third night MC Miss Astrid's performance as a German dominatrix of "Is That All There Is" remains definitive. Good times.]

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