Do Unto Others As They Would Want You To Do Unto Them...Or Something

[Anyone who's shared living arrangements with me knows that I'm not the neatest person in the world. I just didn'† grow up in the kind of household where we were taught to notice every nook and cranny, and then beat it into sterile submission. I can and sometimes do make things tidy and not absolutely filthy, and do tend to have a place for everything if not always everything in its place.]

[ The sad truth, however, is that in my world, "spic" and "span" are merely a derogatory name for a Mexican on the one hand, and on the other, "the extent or measure of space between two points or extremities, as a bridge or a roof; the breadth" (Thanks, American Heritage! I love looking up a word in a book dictionary while I'm working on the internet; dictionary.com hasn't gone anywhere, but since I do hold on to these books, I'm determined to use them.) Without looking, I add that "span" is also used to describe something that connects the two extremities, as a bridge, and as a verb meaning to do that very thing.]

[This deficit of the Really Clean Instinct/Habit (we're back to cleanliness now; keep up) means that my default attitude is that most things are probably clean enough most of the time without constant, slavish application of Comet, Windex, Castilian Soap and such. So, while, yes, I recognize that the toilet does require a regular scrubbing (not just when you make a visible mess), really putting the principle into practice doesn't come automatically to me, as Johnny, who has a thing for gleaming bathroom tile, reminded me today.]

[All I can offer in my defense is that it's never malicious. I've never dumped a full ashtray in someone's bed because SOMEBODY ATE MY LAST THREE KUDOS AND DIDN'T REPLACE THEM OR EVEN ASK!!! I have heard more people whom I otherwise respect and trust tell me about doing stuff like that themselves. On those occasions I realize anew how truly knowing anyone else is impossible. I try to clean up messes that I recognize as a. a mess, and b. my responsibility, or just a nice thing to do.]

[The downside of the Golden Rule (the shallow reading) is that by doing unto others as you literally would have them unto you often won't meet their needs. As a result, they think you did a half-ass job because you're a no-good nohow snake in the grass, and then you're both on the road to recriminations, restraining orders and ruin. The deeper reading: break outta your damn comfort zone and think about other people's unreasonable, neurotic needs for a change.]

[This was no big deal, really. I just thought of that spic and span thing and was feeling just too damn clever not to share. Slovenly, inconsiderate and defensive, but clever.]

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