Written On The Body

[Lessons learned from a rare thirty minutes spent with C-SPAN and the Today show this morning...]

[1. The Bush Administration really thinks Guantanamo Bay exists in a sort of legal black hole with regard to prisoners' rights, specifically . C-SPAN had one of those call-in shows with a lawyer from the Right, a lawyer from the Left, a moderator, and various crazy people concerned citizens calling in. They were reacting to the D.C. Circuit Court's 2-1 ruling on Tuesday that the law eliminating habeas for "enemy combatant" aliens being held at Guantanamo is A-OK. The law transfers jurisdiction to the military justice system, where time and justice move in ways unfamiliar and unsettling to most.]

[Mr. Right (who, in my opinion, is Oh-So-Wrong) maintained, against much agitated shouting from the callers and more restrained disagreement from his colleague at Bar, what I assume will be the government's argument when the case goes to the Supreme Court: the Constitution says habeas can't be suspended (for anyone, citizen or non-) for anyone except in case of invasion or rebellion. Practically speaking, this can only be applied on U.S. soil, since other countries have jurisdiction on their soil. Guantanamo's in Cuba, so no habeas. Plus, you know, "we're at war."]

[Argh, from so many points of view. First, we've extended U.S. court jurisdiction many times to places where we have bases. Civil suits arising in Guantanamo have to be brought in U.S. courts, for example: the treaty establishing our open-ended lease there makes that provision, and it's not like we're even talking to Cuba's court system. So, it's not about jurisdiction, or alien status, since non-citizens have habeas rights wherever we claim jurisdiction. It's about being an "enemy combatant," a term the law leaves up to the President to define and apply while specifically advising anyone who brings up to Geneva Conventions to go jump.]

[Since military courts can take as long as they want to do anything with a prisoner, even a U.S. citizen whom the government labels an enemy combatant could rot at Gitmo (and be tortured...remember, Geneva's not in play) without a chance even to assert citizenship. Mr. Right's answer: trust the President; he's just trying to protect you in this open-ended "War" on Terror. I know I'm not saying anything you probably haven't read elsewhere, but this is scary.]

[Mr. Left responded calmly and correctly, but not at enough length for me. After about ten minutes, C-SPAN switched to some live press conference, so I clicked over to the Today Show, where I was treated to a recap of yesterday's circus at the trial over another corpus, the famous rotting beauty Anna Nicole Smith. I think American jurisprudence owes la Smith a debt we have yet to fully calculate. One case already to the Supreme Court, and now this circus.]

[Between an estranged mother who just wants to bury her baby daughter (sob), the badly-coiffed trashy boyfriend who seemed nice if dim (sob again), the lawyer boyfriend who also seems sincere (sob sob sob), shouting, obfuscatory counsel on both sides (eh, nothing new), and a judge who missed his calling on the Borscht Belt (WAAAAAHHH!), I wasn't sure what I was watching, but it bore little resemblance to civil procedure as taught to me. Golly, but a lot of people want to get their hooks in that old man's estate.]

[Matt Lauer (to his Two Legal Experts, who had come to the same conclusion I did): Is this a time when you're glad to be lawyers?]

[T.L.E.: *wince, nervous chuckle*]

[Y'know what I wish? I wish Anna Nicole had decided to abscond to Guantanamo Bay instead of the Bahamas, and that Danielynn was an enemy combatant. One Caribbean retreat is much like another, isn't it?]

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