A Thursday Evening In Txt

[I'm heaped in a dusty pile on my bed, having finally done some long-needed rearranging of my room, plus three loads of overdue laundry. (I found my DVD remote, too, long thought lost down the fire escape.) I'm rereading All About "All About Eve" because I'm too exhausted to recommence the most recent edition of McSweeney's, the subscription to which (from my sister and brother-in-law) was an even better Christmas present than the fabled House of Prime Rib gift certificate the previous year.]

[CELL PHONE: Brrrp BRRP brrp. (Text message! It's SEAN.)]

[SEAN: Wow!... Tony Blair steps down!... The daily show calls it"the blair ditch project"
ME: Did he actually resign, or just name a date?
S: June 27
M: He's dragging it out. In the old days, it'd all be over in one midnight visit to Buckingham Palace, no fuss, no muss.
S: Wham, bam, thank you your majesty?!... Does that include a"donkey punch" to her majesty?
M: We call it a Dirty Windsor.
S: How's the room?
M: Everything's in place but I still have to dump the old dresser & put away a lot of random shit. Too tired though.
S: Push it down the hall and send it down the stairs! They'll never know it was you!... Go now... Do it!
M: Too tired to move...
S: Wow! I may be cranky but at least my parts haven't gone out of warranty!
M: They don't even keep the spares in the parts depot anymore. :( ]

[I return to AA"AAE". I get to the part where it's revealed that Anne Baxter and Gregory Ratoff slept together once a few years before Eve (eeeewwww!) when:]

[CELL PHONE: Brrp BRRP brrp! Sean again...]

[S: Judi Dench is such a CUNT!]

[Oh, yes; he told me he'd put Notes On A Scandal in his Netflix queue.]

[M: How far into it are you?
S: Just at the beginning, just after she meets her family
M: Oh dear. Just you wait.]

[A little time passes. Brrp BRRP brrp, etc.]

[S: That boy... FUCKIN' HOT!
M: Mmm. It's the accent.]

[One day, Sean will be calling me from jail (for the second time), and I don't know if I'll be able to raise bail this time.]

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